I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
