i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
