Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
