Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
