and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
