It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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