Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
