I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
