Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
