so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
