I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
