uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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