i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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