i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
