I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
