Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
