did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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