just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
