I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
