you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
how does that bad decision feel?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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