I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
