so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Someone signed my nipple.
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