they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
