I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
