The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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