with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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