Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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