I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
