I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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