plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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