that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
