the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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