Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
