There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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