no, he came in my armpit
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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