Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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