"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
