Redeem this text for a blowjob
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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