One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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