i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
