I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
