Sry I called you an 8
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
