i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
