just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
