The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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