hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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