i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
