when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
