dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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