I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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