Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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