dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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