also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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