i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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