Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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