well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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