hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
