She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
