so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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