I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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