I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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