Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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