Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
