Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
