3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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