You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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