someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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