I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
