I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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