My nipple is on Facebook.
i think my tv is drunk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
