you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
