I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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