Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
