it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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